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The challenges of mid-life parenting

Did you know that each female human is born with all the eggs that she will ever need throughout her entire life? I told my mother this story soon after my own daughter was born. That while I lay nestled in her womb that the eggs that would become her grandchildren were all there. All within me. And all within her. As I floated around in that warm cradle that was her body, we all made some kind of intergenerational Russian doll. There we all were: me and the eggs …

Hilary JacksonThe challenges of mid-life parenting
letgo

Poem: What to let go…

(reflections on my firstborn son moving out of home…) Was I good enough? Could I have done more? These questions are running around in my mind They feel like a crowd of carrion birds Picking at memories, like bones I rush at them and they fly away Sitting in a distant tree   And yet… What to hold onto? What to let go? Maybe everything.   At the end of it all I’m seeing that it’s all just ‘you’ anyway All this introspection can spin out of control! Always you …

Hilary JacksonPoem: What to let go…
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Poem: Pomegranate

If I could eat a jewel Would it taste like this? like these luscious seeds, That stain my hands and delight my tongue?

Hilary JacksonPoem: Pomegranate
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Deep Thoughts on “Last Times”

My eldest son turned 20 a few months back. It was around a week ago that I found myself sitting in the bath with my 7 year old daughter, trying to recall the last time I’d had a bath with him. It’s been a long time. Maybe 8 or 9 years. On the exact day of this very last bath that he and I had (think: ‘The Last Supper’ – but much wetter, less food, and a lot fewer people) I had no idea what was taking place. The last-timeness …

Hilary JacksonDeep Thoughts on “Last Times”
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Why does vulnerability matter?

Vulnerability matters. It increases the depth and quality of connections that we create. The act of being vulnerable requires us to connect in to ourselves; we come to know more intimately our deepest desires and feelings. As we share with and open to another, we then come to know ourselves.

Hilary JacksonWhy does vulnerability matter?
Angel Of Grief

The Joy of Grief

I’m driving at 110kms along the Auckland motorway. I’m punching the empty passenger seat beside me, hitting the steering wheel. This is probably not a great thing to be doing. Tears run down my face and I’m growling, sometimes wailing. I feel as angry as hell. Thankfully my exit is dead ahead and I’m actually going to need to slow down. And, what’s so wonderful is that I haven’t felt this close to my sister in years. The motorway trip I just described took place on the 19th of October …

Hilary JacksonThe Joy of Grief
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Grownups & their Double Standards (…or, A Question of Respect)

When I decided I wanted to write a piece on respect, I imagined I’d do some kind of in-depth examination of one central juicy question.  Somewhat predictably, on the journey of looking for it, I found a whole pile more.  So, I’m here with not just one question about respect, I’m here with loads of them. And, no specific answers. All these questions did however take me on a really useful thought adventure and my hope is that you might embark on one too.  And maybe like me you’ll arrive …

Hilary JacksonGrownups & their Double Standards (…or, A Question of Respect)
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Staying connected when you don’t want to be

I think it’s true to say that by the time our children leave home, we’d love to think that a few nuggets of our hard-won wisdom will go with them as they set sail out into the world. My first-born son moved out of home just over a year ago, a few weeks shy of his 18thbirthday. I hoped something useful had stuck.  So it was that a question I saw on quora.com really piqued my interest: “What was the best advice your parents ever gave you?”. Rather than consider …

Hilary JacksonStaying connected when you don’t want to be
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Parenting like an Ordinary Human

Embracing “Ordinariness” as a Pathway to Real Contentment What does the concept of ‘being ordinary’ bring up for you?  It was only recently that I was asked to consider this. And, to be honest it’s been one of the most inner-revolution-inspiring ideas that I’ve connected with for quite some time. Actually it brought up a LOT of discomfort.  As a member of western mainstream culture, I’ve been soaked in a set of values that places the individual on a pedestal and tells me to focus on things like reach for more!and fulfil …

Hilary JacksonParenting like an Ordinary Human